Friday, September 4, 2015

Remember, kids: Cheaters always win!

It sickens me that the NFL has only confirmed what I already knew - what life has always taught me: that if you're the least bit attractive, and have any kind of athletic prowess whatsoever, you can get away with absolutely anything.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Wayward Pines: Automatically one of the worst endings in the history of ever.

Sure, when Fox cancelled Almost Human - giving as their only real explanation its production cost (and yet, the upcoming Minority Report looks to be just as expensive) - I was plenty miffed. But I somehow decided to give Wayward Pines a chance anyway.

It was a mistake.

I want those ten hours of my life back.

So our protagonist's noble sacrifice, when you get right down to it, was basically for nothing. Somehow, a group of heavily-armed adults - including at least two trained federal agents, if not other outright military personnel - in a fortified mountain stronghold were seemingly easily overwhelmed by a small group of unarmed children. Children who, might I add, apparently also scaled a previously-destroyed elevator shaft (as established via the aforementioned sacrifice).

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Agents of SHIELD and iZombie, blah blah blah - you know the rest...

On the same day - the exact same day! - Agents of SHIELD and iZombie both started to suck. For the exact. Same. Reason.

[SPOILERS! ...of suckage.]

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before:

I just said that I love you. And... now I'm dead.

Or I might as well be. Worse than? Or (at least in the case of Agents of SHIELD) maybe I'll come back - but as a villain next time! MWAH-HA-HA!


Look - here's the thing. Clichés aren't meant to be embraced. They're meant to be avoided.

For some reason, you're actually being paid for your contributions - so why not get off your lazy ass, creatively speaking, and come up with something new and exciting?

You know, something we haven't all seen literally thousands of times before?

It's as though The Walking Dead is somehow infecting other shows! The bad writing, I mean - not the zombies.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Dinky Reviews!

Ex Machina (2015). Starring the guy who inexplicably got the part of Apocalypse in the upcoming X-Men film instead of Stargate SG-1's Christopher Judge.

(Note: If you're like me, you'll want to go into this with as little information beforehand as possible [all I knew was that it somehow involved an android, and that she looked pretty cool]. If that's the case, you may want to read no further - avoiding as you do what could, in only the vaguest sense, be roughly construed as "spoilers.")

Robot Carnival. An anthology anime film, it could've been perfect... if not for one segment in particular.

You know the one.

On the off chance that you don't, it's entitled "Presence" and - with the possible exception of "Franken's Gears" - it sticks out like a sore thumb. This is because, amid all Robot Carnival's glorious action and/or comedy, "Presence" is like the most tragic, depressing thing ever.

Similarly, Ex Machina is four-fifths a great film. Then the climax arrives... and it's such a one-hundred-and-eighty degree tonal shift from what's come before that it's likely to give you narrative whiplash.

This isn't to say you shouldn't go see it. Everything leading up to that unfortunate resolution is both thought-provoking and engaging.

But please, do keep your expectations in check.

And now, the actual [SPOILERS!]

To those who've seen Robot Carnival: If you ever wanted to see what it would've been like if the robot girl from "Presence" wrought her vengeance upon humankind - well, here's your chance.

To those who've already seen Ex Machina: When you get right down to it, didn't AVA actually fail the test? All she did was trick the one person who was most predisposed to being fooled in such a manner by using the resources she was specifically given/built with to achieving such an end.

Basically, her creator - whether knowingly, or not (and to what purpose - neither issue being addressed in the film itself) - cheated; tricking some poor dupe into believing AVA was truly sentient.

...or was she? This goes back to the positive - namely, the way one continues to consider the larger implications and overall themes of this film once it's over: While AVA might arguably have consciousness, she certainly doesn't have a conscience - or, at the very least, she's amoral.

Hmm - this wound up being a not-so-dinky review, didn't it?

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Grimm sucks now.

Juliette, as a character, has ruined this show. And I thought Trouble was bad!

Seriously, they should just end it. I've gone from merely disliking this season to actively hating it.

I'm going to start pretending Grimm lasted only two seasons before cancellation. You know, the same lie you have to tell yourself about Sliders.