Sunday, May 31, 2009

Dinky Reviews!

Drag Me To Hell (2009). Starring Darry from Jeepers Creepers, and that one character actor who plays a nerdy guy in lots of things. Also an enchanting, heretofore unknown to me young actress, Alison Lohman.

First of all, I just wanted to go on record here: I, K. W. Snyder, love gypsies. Seriously, I love you guys... all you guys! I want to personally hug each and every one of you! (Note: For those of you who don't want and/or like hugs... would a firm handshake and a pat on the back do instead?)

That said (mild, vaguest SPOILERS)... the ending of this film? That took some serious chutzpah! Anti- animal cruelty people, however, would probably do well to steer clear of this one...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dinky Reviews!

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006): Starring Freddy Krueger - the real one (with apologies to Jackie Earl Haley, who was excellent as Rorschach in Watchmen). With a brief, blink-and-you'll-miss-it wordless cameo by Jason - also the real one (a.k.a. Kane Hodder). And Zelda "This house... is clear!" Rubenstein! Plus some other random dudes and dudettes.

Perhaps one of the most important films to arrive on the horror movie scene in years. Seek this one out, and see it!

Dinky Reviews!

My Bloody Valentine (2009): Starring John Locke's father, and that dude from Night of the Creeps (albeit in regretfully small roles). The rest are virtual unknowns.

Disappointing. Just a pale imitation of the original. All those people who've been saying that, when compared to Friday the 13th (2009), this one's the better redux? Well, they're wrong. They had a chance to deviate from the source material (with regards to the killer), thereby giving this thing its own identity... but they did their best to avoid it. It's too bad, then, that this is the one that got a stellar 3D transfer, whilst the same cannot unfortunately be said of Paramount's recent Friday the 13th, Part 3-D disc...

And, perhaps worst of all: They did practically nothing with the Valentine's Day theme! In the original, it is inextricably interwoven within the film's plot. This thing, though, could've been named just about anything else with a few superficial changes! Guess then they would've lost the miner angle, though...

Monday, May 18, 2009


Apparently I'm supposed to be writing something especially witty here, so that this blog gets picked up and optioned as a possible screenplay!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Dinky Reviews!

Sleepwalkers (1992). Starring the Borg Queen, that dude from Charmed and a girl who's first name is the German word for, well... for girl!

Really, really, aggressively bad. Stephen, dude, I hate to tell you this... but cars in real life? Probably wouldn't explode like that after only being shot one time! Never before have I seen a film that hit you so often about the head with its omnipresent cameos. And yet, I'm still not convinced that this mess was entirely the fault of poor directorial decision-making. I mean after all, at least Garris seemed to mostly frame his shots correctly! No, this particular waste of time was spectacularly poorly written...

Saturday, May 16, 2009

"Greetings! Mondo welcomes you to the Fight Palace!"

...and if you get that reference (it's from an old PC-DOS game called Tongue of the Fatman) you might be a dork like me! :-)

Well, anywho... I know that I'm such a perfectionist that, unless I go ahead and jump right into this thing, it'll never get started at all... so here goes!