Monday, September 7, 2009

Dinky Reviews!

Gamer (2009). Starring King Leonidis, and Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson. With bit parts for Q and Peter Petrelli.

There's a whole host of stuff in this movie that's confusing, makes no logical sense from a storyline standpoint, is never explained, or all three at once!

Big, loud and dumb is one thing. Leaving out whole swaths of information that's vital to the audience's comprehension of what's happening on-screen - whilst also failing to abide by any determinable set of rules as set forth by the film itself - is another.

For instance: [SPOILERS!]What was the deal with that guy who was killed three or four times, at least - yet somehow, by all appearances, kept coming back to life?

And what was up with the non-player characters (for instance, the woman dressed in traditional Islamic garb)? From what I could gather, a prisoner could earn their freedom if they survived just one day as an NPC... but even so, why did they turn John Leguizamo's character into one? As some form of punishment - simply for asking the guard for a little help?[/end SPOILERS!]

There's probably more that I'm forgetting... but suffice it to say: G'ah! This film made my brain hurt!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Dinky Reviews!

Open Water 2: Adrift (2006). Starring people forced to act like complete idiots by a lame script.

What was that ending supposed to mean, anyway? Seriously, I haven't a clue...

This is a prime example of the sort of film in which characters are much more stupid than most people in real life would ever be. I'm talking about just general common sense here - not from the vantage point of the audience being given more information to go on than the characters themselves are...

I mistook the only visible part of a life jacket - inexplicably colored purple (likely in the hopes that people would make just that kind of mistake) - from the DVD's cover as being a tentacle of some kind. You can see where this is going - oh, how disappointed I was...

This one was allegedly supposed to be truer to the "real story" than the first film was. In the end, though, it actually managed to be even less realistic than the original! Tons of blood in the water in this one - and yet somehow, nary a nibble from any (entirely non-existent, according to this film) aquatic lifeforms...

This is one film that's better off avoided altogether, folks...