How To Fix DC Comics!

(A series wherein I propose the sweeping changes necessary to salvage these once-beloved characters)

Language is a funny thing. In this day and age of political correctness, many are the mutually agreed-upon terms used to describe distinct groups of individuals. But what happens when no such societal rules exist for proper nomenclature? It's especially troubling when one wants to avoid an impression of discriminating against others based solely on differences in appearance. How, then, might one best proceed?

In this instance, I sought out the advice of just such a person – and she assured me that there was, in fact, a phrase which is both representative and non-hurtful.

I'd like to therefore talk today about “big girls.”

Amanda Waller - Just because a change would be easy, and entirely cosmetic in nature, doesn't mean it's any less important. Quick – name all the big girls in comics (at least half of which belong to Marvel). I'll note the issues present with each.

1. Granny Goodness – Look, there's a reason her voice is always provided by Ed Asner.

2. Anaconda – Look, there's a reason people call her Man-aconda.

3. Big Bertha – Doesn't count! In her normal form, she's actually a supermodel.

-and-

4. Amanda Waller – The only true representative thereof.

...or at least, she used to be. By presenting audiences with a reality wherein all women conform to an unattainable level of feminine beauty, DC does everyone a disservice. Why cater to such unrealistic male fantasies? I mean, how does “The Wall” even make sense anymore as a nickname for her?

So while changing Waller back would necessarily render said character incongruous with recent live-action depictions, that's an unfortunate dilemma of the company's own creation. And the results – another big, beautiful woman in comics (a strong African-American woman at that!) – are too important not to.