Saturday, September 7, 2013

DC's Lights Out storyline event practically writes itself!

"Just wanted to say, loving 'Relic' as the villain's name."

"Me too! I mean, after 'Parallax' I really thought we'd already used every word in the dictionary."

"It's got the irony that hipsters love - what with it meaning 'old and obsolete,' and all..."

"So we've already killed off the Blue Lantern Corps. Who's next?"

"The Indigo Tribe? Haven't used those guys in a while..."

"Brilliant! They're gone. And after that... the Star Sapphires, maybe?"

"We're still getting rid of all the 'good' corps, right? ...except the Green Lanterns, of course!"

"Yeah, because anybody good must also be weak. But wait - didn't we just use Carol Farris in Man of Steel?"

"Ah, shoot! Well, we could kill off Fatality instead..."

*chuckles* "FINISH HER!!!"

*laughs* "Good one, Justin! But seriously, we've gotta keep her around for John Stewart over in Green Lantern Corps."

"Okay - so Relic will just slaughter the others, then. And destroy their central battery, for good measure."

"And don't forget their entity! That way it's like, Relic is so bad-ass he killed Love itself!"

"Nice! I like that. But what about the villain corps?"

"Sinestro's right out - he's wearing a yellow ring again in Forever Evil."

"Yeah, we gotta keep him around anyway because the Sinestro Corps War was so popular."

"There's always plenty of background characters there that never even had a single line of dialogue..."

"All right - so that's settled. The Red Lanterns?"

"Can't! They've got their own series. Plus, Guy Gardner's their leader right now."

"Hmm. Can we kill everybody but him?"

"Well, the title's Red Lanterns, plural - so..."

"Let's keep the cat! People love the cat."

"Yeah - and Bleez, for the sexual tension with Guy!"

"Naw, Ice is alive again... so we can afford to lose Bleez."

"And Larfleeze (hey - that rhymes!)?"

"...has a series now, too."

"Dang. I know! What if we had Relic kill off some Green Lanterns?"

"Eh, that's been done before. It'd have to be a main character to have any kind of real impact."

"Gardner's out, as we just discussed - can't kill Hal, because he was in the movie..."

"What about Kyle?"

"What about him? He's a White Lantern now, so we'll inexplicably be leaving him alone."

"...right! Because white's not a color, it's a hue."

"Exactly. And, speaking of..."

"John Stewart? The public was already up in arms when Green Lantern wasn't black in the movie!"

"Now-now, Justin - African-American."

"Right. Oh - I know! What about Jediah Caul? Because we already cancelled his series..."


DC: Deceased Characters.

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