Aquaman - or, more specifically, his near career-long status as the go-to whipping boy regarding his 'powers' (and the widely-held belief in the near-total lack thereof) when compared to his fellow superheroes. It has occurred to me that the cancellation of all his prior solo comic book series is most likely actually due to one thing: wasted potential. Aquaman should, by all rights, be the most bad-assed comic book there ever was!
Consider this: In outer space, it's pitch black. It's much the same on the ocean floor - although, for some reason, the ocean backgrounds in the comics are always shown as being blue... Both environments are freezing cold. The empty vacuum of space can make things explode - while all of the pressure at the bottom of the ocean instead makes things implode. And to revisit that aforementioned term, empty - well, asides from the odd cosmic-based character, outer space is largely just that: (empty) space.
It's not like that on the bottom of the ocean, though! There, teaming and unimaginable horrors exist - literally anything that the writers and artists could possibly conceive, because a) no man-made craft can yet navigate the absolute deepest depths of the ocean; and b) any life-forms that scientists bring up from such depths perish due to the immense pressure changes. Most of these creatures have razor-sharp teeth... and each and every one of them hungers to consume you, in only the most violent manner possible!
Proponents of aquatic characters have, in the past, often cited the much bandied-about statistic that seventy-one percent of the Earth's surface is covered by the sea. However, if one were to judge solely on the basis of every previous Aquaman series (and to be sure, Marvel's Namor the Sub-Mariner suffers this same fate as well), absolutely no one would ever guess that! This is because - seemingly without fail - writers always try and awkwardly shoehorn in plots that relate to the surface world.
Quick - name all of the protectors of Gotham City... heck, even Metropolis! Then name the oceans' defenders, at present, in the DC Universe (while also bearing in mind that Garth, formerly Aquaboy, is now deceased - and so is Dolphin for that matter). Yeah... there's something of a disparity there.
In truth, Aquaman should realistically (well, insofar as any fictional account of super-humans could ever be called 'realistic') be almost entirely unconcerned about life above the waves (although an exception can of course be made for issues pertaining to the impact that surface-dweller borne pollution has had upon the Earth's overall environment). Still, perhaps the best format for further Aquaman stories ought to be eleven issues dedicated solely to his underwater adventures... with only one (likely the now-requisite annual company-wide cross-over 'event' story) taking place on dry land.
That, at any rate, is just my two cents about Aquaman.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Remake madness!
So they're thinking of remaking Videodrome. My question is: why? How could it possibly be made relevant to modern audiences when the old cathode ray tubes have largely gone the way of the Betamax cassettes which were also featured in the original film? Of course, this is where the smart asses of the world will pop up and suggest YouTube, or something similar... but it, like most internet content, is already available for viewing to the general public for free! So where does that leave James Woods' Max Renn character - who was, after all, the protagonist of the original film?
And speaking of Woods, the undeniable truth of the matter is that no modern-day cast could ever hope to even approach the perfection on display in the performances of Cronenberg's original! Even the director himself has moved on from his own body-based horror movies onto, regrettably, making much safer (and, sadly, more commercially-viable) crime thrillers instead...
One can only hope that this turns out to be another one of those projects which dies on the vine (and rightfully so), never having seen the light of day... but as long as rumors occasionally surface of planned "re-imaginings" (slaughterings, more likely) of the likes of Suspiria, and Escape From New York? Well then, my friends, we still have much to fear.
And speaking of Woods, the undeniable truth of the matter is that no modern-day cast could ever hope to even approach the perfection on display in the performances of Cronenberg's original! Even the director himself has moved on from his own body-based horror movies onto, regrettably, making much safer (and, sadly, more commercially-viable) crime thrillers instead...
One can only hope that this turns out to be another one of those projects which dies on the vine (and rightfully so), never having seen the light of day... but as long as rumors occasionally surface of planned "re-imaginings" (slaughterings, more likely) of the likes of Suspiria, and Escape From New York? Well then, my friends, we still have much to fear.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Green Lantern Crash Course Part 1:
Needless to say, as of this writing (8/14/13), the following information is woefully out-of-date (it makes mention of certain aspects of continuity prior to establishment of the New 52 which are no longer considered canon, for instance).
Hal Jordan: The Silver Age Green Lantern, and arguably the greatest of them all. He was off on ceremonial duties for his superiors when his home city - basically the DC Universe equivalent of San Francisco - was completely obliterated by Hank Henshaw (a.k.a. the Cyborg Superman). In his despair, he fell prey to a parasite called Parallax - a sentient entity comprised of the sum total of fear that's ever been felt in the universe - and slew most of the Corps (although some that he felt were insignificant, threat-level wise, he left for dead) and all but one of his superiors, the Guardians. He later redeemed himself via self-sacrifice to re-ignite Earth's dying sun. For a time, he became the Spectre - the embodiment of the full force of God's wrath on Earth - before being brought back to life a few years ago (in Green Lantern: Rebirth - essential reading, that)...
Kyle Rayner: The Green Lantern of Earth in the intervening years after Hal went insane/was joined with the Spectre. Was chosen at random by a dying Guardian to receive the last remaining power ring (Jordan, as the villain Parallax, had absorbed all the others). Became the hero Ion when that symbiont - the green equivalent of Parallax, albeit embodying willpower instead - bonded with him; subsequently resurrected Kilowog (who trains all the rookie corps members) and the deceased Guardians, and began to build up an entirely new Corps of fresh recruits and old retirees. Ion was forcibly removed from Kyle's body by Sinestro, and subsequently assigned by the Guardians to another Green Lantern who is said to potentially be a great hero in the forthcoming prophecy of the Blackest Night. Kyle is now one of the two Green Lanterns tasked with protecting the Guardian's home planet of Oa.
Guy Gardner: Guy was originally the back-up choice to receive Hal's ring if, for some reason, Jordan had been unable to do so. Personality-wise, he's an often angry, sometimes sarcastic, wisecracking windbag - but he is perhaps the Lantern's most tireless and relentless fighter, he tries to do what's right and is absolutely the one Lantern you'd want backing you in a fight. For a time, he used Sinestro's confiscated yellow Qwuardian power ring; then his DNA was re-written by aliens (turning his body into a living weapon), and he was known simply as Warrior. These alterations were later purged from his system by the villain Parallax; he was eventually issued a new green ring from the restored Green Lantern Corps. Now, along with Kyle Rayner, he serves as an honor guard - tasked with protecting Green Lantern headquarters on Oa.
John Stewart: John was perhaps most famously the Green Lantern featured in the Justice League/Justice League Unlimited animated series. Unlike on that show, however, John never had a relationship with Hawkgirl (instead, his wife was the now-deceased Katma Tui: a member of Sinestro's race, and that villain's immediate successor in the Corps following his expulsion from the same). Interestingly enough, John was a paraplegic in the comics when the television series first aired. Due to renewed interest in the character and his then new-found popularity, however, the writers gave him back his mobility. John inadvertently allowed an entire planet, Xanshi, to be destroyed during his watch. The sole survivor among that world's indigenous peoples - the planet's princess who, at that time, was undergoing off-world combat training - subsequently became the villainess Fatality.
Hal Jordan: The Silver Age Green Lantern, and arguably the greatest of them all. He was off on ceremonial duties for his superiors when his home city - basically the DC Universe equivalent of San Francisco - was completely obliterated by Hank Henshaw (a.k.a. the Cyborg Superman). In his despair, he fell prey to a parasite called Parallax - a sentient entity comprised of the sum total of fear that's ever been felt in the universe - and slew most of the Corps (although some that he felt were insignificant, threat-level wise, he left for dead) and all but one of his superiors, the Guardians. He later redeemed himself via self-sacrifice to re-ignite Earth's dying sun. For a time, he became the Spectre - the embodiment of the full force of God's wrath on Earth - before being brought back to life a few years ago (in Green Lantern: Rebirth - essential reading, that)...
Kyle Rayner: The Green Lantern of Earth in the intervening years after Hal went insane/was joined with the Spectre. Was chosen at random by a dying Guardian to receive the last remaining power ring (Jordan, as the villain Parallax, had absorbed all the others). Became the hero Ion when that symbiont - the green equivalent of Parallax, albeit embodying willpower instead - bonded with him; subsequently resurrected Kilowog (who trains all the rookie corps members) and the deceased Guardians, and began to build up an entirely new Corps of fresh recruits and old retirees. Ion was forcibly removed from Kyle's body by Sinestro, and subsequently assigned by the Guardians to another Green Lantern who is said to potentially be a great hero in the forthcoming prophecy of the Blackest Night. Kyle is now one of the two Green Lanterns tasked with protecting the Guardian's home planet of Oa.
Guy Gardner: Guy was originally the back-up choice to receive Hal's ring if, for some reason, Jordan had been unable to do so. Personality-wise, he's an often angry, sometimes sarcastic, wisecracking windbag - but he is perhaps the Lantern's most tireless and relentless fighter, he tries to do what's right and is absolutely the one Lantern you'd want backing you in a fight. For a time, he used Sinestro's confiscated yellow Qwuardian power ring; then his DNA was re-written by aliens (turning his body into a living weapon), and he was known simply as Warrior. These alterations were later purged from his system by the villain Parallax; he was eventually issued a new green ring from the restored Green Lantern Corps. Now, along with Kyle Rayner, he serves as an honor guard - tasked with protecting Green Lantern headquarters on Oa.
John Stewart: John was perhaps most famously the Green Lantern featured in the Justice League/Justice League Unlimited animated series. Unlike on that show, however, John never had a relationship with Hawkgirl (instead, his wife was the now-deceased Katma Tui: a member of Sinestro's race, and that villain's immediate successor in the Corps following his expulsion from the same). Interestingly enough, John was a paraplegic in the comics when the television series first aired. Due to renewed interest in the character and his then new-found popularity, however, the writers gave him back his mobility. John inadvertently allowed an entire planet, Xanshi, to be destroyed during his watch. The sole survivor among that world's indigenous peoples - the planet's princess who, at that time, was undergoing off-world combat training - subsequently became the villainess Fatality.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Dinky Reviews!
Children of the Corn (2009). Starring Dee from Battlestar Gallactica (modern version), and my all-time least favorite character from NBC's Heroes!
It sucked - it suuuuuuucked!!!
"But Kit," I hear you asking, "did it suck?" Why, yes - yes, as a matter of fact, it did!
The little kid they got to play Isaac wasn't a good enough actor to carry this movie, he wasn't scary... heck, he wasn't even the least little bit creepy-looking! And I know that He Who Walks Behind the Rows was represented by some truly laughable animation in the original - but at least in that version they actually bothered to show him...
And what was up with that ending? Dude, they totally should've ended it with the line, "Scarecrow!"
So was there anything good in this movie? Well, the two adults were all right, I suppose. I did like the Vietnam flashbacks - but that alone wasn't enough to save this miserable piece of garbage...
It sucked - it suuuuuuucked!!!
"But Kit," I hear you asking, "did it suck?" Why, yes - yes, as a matter of fact, it did!
The little kid they got to play Isaac wasn't a good enough actor to carry this movie, he wasn't scary... heck, he wasn't even the least little bit creepy-looking! And I know that He Who Walks Behind the Rows was represented by some truly laughable animation in the original - but at least in that version they actually bothered to show him...
And what was up with that ending? Dude, they totally should've ended it with the line, "Scarecrow!"
So was there anything good in this movie? Well, the two adults were all right, I suppose. I did like the Vietnam flashbacks - but that alone wasn't enough to save this miserable piece of garbage...
Monday, September 7, 2009
Dinky Reviews!
Gamer (2009). Starring King Leonidis, and Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson. With bit parts for Q and Peter Petrelli.
There's a whole host of stuff in this movie that's confusing, makes no logical sense from a storyline standpoint, is never explained, or all three at once!
Big, loud and dumb is one thing. Leaving out whole swaths of information that's vital to the audience's comprehension of what's happening on-screen - whilst also failing to abide by any determinable set of rules as set forth by the film itself - is another.
For instance: [SPOILERS!]What was the deal with that guy who was killed three or four times, at least - yet somehow, by all appearances, kept coming back to life?
And what was up with the non-player characters (for instance, the woman dressed in traditional Islamic garb)? From what I could gather, a prisoner could earn their freedom if they survived just one day as an NPC... but even so, why did they turn John Leguizamo's character into one? As some form of punishment - simply for asking the guard for a little help?[/end SPOILERS!]
There's probably more that I'm forgetting... but suffice it to say: G'ah! This film made my brain hurt!
There's a whole host of stuff in this movie that's confusing, makes no logical sense from a storyline standpoint, is never explained, or all three at once!
Big, loud and dumb is one thing. Leaving out whole swaths of information that's vital to the audience's comprehension of what's happening on-screen - whilst also failing to abide by any determinable set of rules as set forth by the film itself - is another.
For instance: [SPOILERS!]What was the deal with that guy who was killed three or four times, at least - yet somehow, by all appearances, kept coming back to life?
And what was up with the non-player characters (for instance, the woman dressed in traditional Islamic garb)? From what I could gather, a prisoner could earn their freedom if they survived just one day as an NPC... but even so, why did they turn John Leguizamo's character into one? As some form of punishment - simply for asking the guard for a little help?[/end SPOILERS!]
There's probably more that I'm forgetting... but suffice it to say: G'ah! This film made my brain hurt!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Dinky Reviews!
Open Water 2: Adrift (2006). Starring people forced to act like complete idiots by a lame script.
What was that ending supposed to mean, anyway? Seriously, I haven't a clue...
This is a prime example of the sort of film in which characters are much more stupid than most people in real life would ever be. I'm talking about just general common sense here - not from the vantage point of the audience being given more information to go on than the characters themselves are...
I mistook the only visible part of a life jacket - inexplicably colored purple (likely in the hopes that people would make just that kind of mistake) - from the DVD's cover as being a tentacle of some kind. You can see where this is going - oh, how disappointed I was...
This one was allegedly supposed to be truer to the "real story" than the first film was. In the end, though, it actually managed to be even less realistic than the original! Tons of blood in the water in this one - and yet somehow, nary a nibble from any (entirely non-existent, according to this film) aquatic lifeforms...
This is one film that's better off avoided altogether, folks...
What was that ending supposed to mean, anyway? Seriously, I haven't a clue...
This is a prime example of the sort of film in which characters are much more stupid than most people in real life would ever be. I'm talking about just general common sense here - not from the vantage point of the audience being given more information to go on than the characters themselves are...
I mistook the only visible part of a life jacket - inexplicably colored purple (likely in the hopes that people would make just that kind of mistake) - from the DVD's cover as being a tentacle of some kind. You can see where this is going - oh, how disappointed I was...
This one was allegedly supposed to be truer to the "real story" than the first film was. In the end, though, it actually managed to be even less realistic than the original! Tons of blood in the water in this one - and yet somehow, nary a nibble from any (entirely non-existent, according to this film) aquatic lifeforms...
This is one film that's better off avoided altogether, folks...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Some Magic: The Gathering cards I happen to own
These are just some of cards that I'm lucky to own. I'm always tickled to pull good cards from the packs I buy, because I typically only buy six or less boosters per set. In the near future (it's 8/14/13 as of this writing), I'm hoping to both update and condense (removing the less impressive cards I included from every consecutive just for completion's sake) this list. Again, if you were brought to this site while searching for any of the cards listed herein, and were hoping for something more substantial, I do apologize.
Updated 10/5/09
Revised: Black Vise (Uncommon)
Fourth Edition: Hypnotic Specter (Uncommon)
Fifth Edition: Armageddon (Rare)
Sixth Edition: Archangel (Rare)
Magic 2010: Shivan Dragon (Rare, foil)
Portal I: Personal Tutor (Uncommon)
Fallen Empires: Hymn to Tourach (Common, x4 – all four illustrations)
Ice Age: Pox (Rare)
Alliances: Lake of the Dead (Rare)
Mirage: Flash (Rare, x2)
Visions: Tithe (Rare)
Weatherlight: Lotus Vale (Rare)
Tempest: Humility (Rare)
Stronghold: Mox Diamond (Rare)
Exodus: Curiosity (Uncommon)
Urza’s Saga: Tie – Opal Archangel (Rare), Wildfire (Rare)
Urza’s Legacy: Tie – Delusions of Mediocrity (Rare, foil), Mother of Runes (Uncommon)
Urza’s Destiny: Academy Rector (Rare)
Mercadian Masques: Charisma (Rare, Chinese text)
Nemesis: Tie – Parallax Wave (Rare), Daze (Common, x4)
Prophecy: Tie – Veteran Brawlers (Rare, foil), Avatar of Hope (Rare)
Invasion: Coalition Victory (Rare, foil)
Planeshift: Skyship Weatherlight (Rare, foil)
Apocalypse: Spectral Lynx (Rare)
Odyssey: Tie – Braids, Cabal Minion (Rare), Nantuko Mentor (Rare, foil)
Torment: Cabal Coffers (Uncommon, x2)
Judgment: Silver Seraph (Rare)
Onslaught: Polluted Delta (Rare)
Legions: Akroma, Angel of Wrath (Rare)
Scourge: Goblin Warchief (Uncommon, x3)
Mirrodin: Solemn Simulacrum (Rare)
Darksteel: Tie – Chromescale Drake (Rare, foil), Pulse of the Fields (Rare)
Fifth Dawn: Veldalken Shackles (Rare)
Champions of Kamigawa: Isamaru, Hound of Konda (Rare)
Betrayers of Kamigawa: Umezawa’s Jitte (Rare)
Saviors of Kamigawa: Choice of Damnations (Rare)
Time Spiral: Tie - Shadowmage Infiltrator (“Time-shifted” Rare), Flagstones of Trokair (Rare)
Planar Chaos: Tie – Life and Limb (Rare, foil), Gaea’s Anthem (Rare)
Future Sight: Pyromancer’s Swath (Rare)
Shadowmoor: Sunken Ruins (Rare)
Eventide: Balefire Liege (Rare)
Planechase: Grave Pact (Rare)
Unglued: Blacker Lotus (Rare)
Unhinged: Swamp (foil)
Updated 10/5/09
Revised: Black Vise (Uncommon)
Fourth Edition: Hypnotic Specter (Uncommon)
Fifth Edition: Armageddon (Rare)
Sixth Edition: Archangel (Rare)
Magic 2010: Shivan Dragon (Rare, foil)
Portal I: Personal Tutor (Uncommon)
Fallen Empires: Hymn to Tourach (Common, x4 – all four illustrations)
Ice Age: Pox (Rare)
Alliances: Lake of the Dead (Rare)
Mirage: Flash (Rare, x2)
Visions: Tithe (Rare)
Weatherlight: Lotus Vale (Rare)
Tempest: Humility (Rare)
Stronghold: Mox Diamond (Rare)
Exodus: Curiosity (Uncommon)
Urza’s Saga: Tie – Opal Archangel (Rare), Wildfire (Rare)
Urza’s Legacy: Tie – Delusions of Mediocrity (Rare, foil), Mother of Runes (Uncommon)
Urza’s Destiny: Academy Rector (Rare)
Mercadian Masques: Charisma (Rare, Chinese text)
Nemesis: Tie – Parallax Wave (Rare), Daze (Common, x4)
Prophecy: Tie – Veteran Brawlers (Rare, foil), Avatar of Hope (Rare)
Invasion: Coalition Victory (Rare, foil)
Planeshift: Skyship Weatherlight (Rare, foil)
Apocalypse: Spectral Lynx (Rare)
Odyssey: Tie – Braids, Cabal Minion (Rare), Nantuko Mentor (Rare, foil)
Torment: Cabal Coffers (Uncommon, x2)
Judgment: Silver Seraph (Rare)
Onslaught: Polluted Delta (Rare)
Legions: Akroma, Angel of Wrath (Rare)
Scourge: Goblin Warchief (Uncommon, x3)
Mirrodin: Solemn Simulacrum (Rare)
Darksteel: Tie – Chromescale Drake (Rare, foil), Pulse of the Fields (Rare)
Fifth Dawn: Veldalken Shackles (Rare)
Champions of Kamigawa: Isamaru, Hound of Konda (Rare)
Betrayers of Kamigawa: Umezawa’s Jitte (Rare)
Saviors of Kamigawa: Choice of Damnations (Rare)
Time Spiral: Tie - Shadowmage Infiltrator (“Time-shifted” Rare), Flagstones of Trokair (Rare)
Planar Chaos: Tie – Life and Limb (Rare, foil), Gaea’s Anthem (Rare)
Future Sight: Pyromancer’s Swath (Rare)
Shadowmoor: Sunken Ruins (Rare)
Eventide: Balefire Liege (Rare)
Planechase: Grave Pact (Rare)
Unglued: Blacker Lotus (Rare)
Unhinged: Swamp (foil)
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