Remember, kids: Cheaters always win!

It sickens me that the NFL has only confirmed what I already knew - what life has always taught me: that if you're the least bit attractive, and have any kind of athletic prowess whatsoever, you can get away with absolutely anything.

Status update:

You might recognize 2012 as the year I posted a grand total of one new article. Well, that's because it was the last time I was working full-time.

Now I'm employed again.

I already feel as though I don't do enough with this blog. It's bad enough that I lack both the means and the talent to convert this to a video format - I mean, it's hard to stay relevant as text-only. Heck, the fact that I seem incapable of finding one successful focus is evident right in the title!

My new schedule is such that I'll hardly have time to read any more comic books, etc. I've even recently been ignored by a couple of legitimate internet personalities, to boot.

We'll see where things go from here.

What I Dislike About...

Convention sell-outs.

The folks running MystiCon 2014 have absolutely no foresight. The only convention in our area to ever book famous, truly worthwhile guests is completely sold out. Anybody who had to put off buying a ticket - say, those with uncertain financial futures (held captive by alleged potential employers, waiting on a phone call that never comes to officially offer them a position - or... so I've heard) - is just out of luck.

Seems that John de Lancie - Star Trek's Q, of all people - once did a voice on My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Who knew?

Apparently, the so-called "bronies" knew (proving once again that BRONIES. RUIN. EVERYTHING.)!

*sighs*

The real shame of it all is that this could have been so easily avoided. I - and doubtlessly other locals who have now found themselves similarly shut-out - attended last year's convention. Which means that the organizers had access to my contact information.

But did I receive any email warning me that tickets were almost gone? "You have to act fast if you don't want to miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," they could've advised me!

They didn't even give any indication that this sell-out was imminent on their own website!!! So really, what more should I have expected?

Regarding Uatu the Watcher's imminent death in Original Sin #1:

Such a pointless waste of a beloved character. So I guess this means, no more What If? People born in decades hence will no doubt look back on Kirby's "Coming of Galactus," and wonder who that bald guy is on the cover of Fantastic Four #48.

And really, what purpose does this serve? Can any possible new story that results from this outweigh what Uatu himself brought which was at all unique to the Marvel universe?

I think not.

The Walking Dead sucks now.

They ruined it. They ruined the show.

It occurs to me now that, as far as titles go, "The Walking Dead" isn't about the zombies at all. No, it's in reference to the human characters. They're all living on borrowed time - likely to be killed off by the writers at any moment! - and, as such, you're better off not wasting your time becoming emotionally invested in them.

Robert Venditti Destroys The DC Universe

As a result of "Lights Out," the Green Lantern Corps is abandoning Sector 2814 (aka Earth).

And Supergirl's becoming a Red Lantern.

...

[EXPLETIVE DELETED!!!]

Ya know, I never thought I'd say this... but I'd rather they cancelled every single Green Lantern-related title than allow this rampant bastardization to continue.

DC: Done Collecting.

How poor writing/decision-making rendered DC Comics' New 52 functionally irrelevant/"dead."

(An addendum to other recent posts)

Relic blew up Oa! That's certainly noteworthy... isn't it?

...except that it isn't. The Guardians themselves admitted (in Green Lantern: Emerald Dawn) that Oa itself ISN'T REALLY IMPORTANT.

In a near-death situation (Green Lantern vol.5 #4), Hal Jordan realized that his only regret was that he'd never see Carol Farris again. When he inevitably escaped and made it back to Earth, he immediately declared his undying love to her. He even tried, for her sake, to give up serving in the Corps!

So of COURSE the current creative teams on the Green Lantern books have her paired off with... Kyle Rayner?!

Still, I've got to give them credit for killing off John Stewart... until, that is, I remember that they once cured him of paraplegia to coincide with the advent of the Justice League animated series!

You know, it's sad but true - other than new releases based on the the pre- New 52 continuity (such as The Sandman: Overture), DC Comics ended sometime before Green Lantern: New Guardians #23.

Oh, and with Harley Quinn turning out to be a mass murderer... of children, no less!

And with the way DC editorial wrongfully screwed-over J.H. Williams III and W. Haden Blackman over Batwoman, too.

DC: Dumb Choices.

"YOU MANIACS - YOU BLEW IT UP!!!"

So the Regressives finally did it. They went and broke the whole dang government.

Leave it to rich old white men to ruin things for the rest of us.

DC's Lights Out storyline event practically writes itself!

"Just wanted to say, loving 'Relic' as the villain's name."

"Me too! I mean, after 'Parallax' I really thought we'd already used every word in the dictionary."

"It's got the irony that hipsters love - what with it meaning 'old and obsolete,' and all..."

"So we've already killed off the Blue Lantern Corps. Who's next?"

"The Indigo Tribe? Haven't used those guys in a while..."

"Brilliant! They're gone. And after that... the Star Sapphires, maybe?"

"We're still getting rid of all the 'good' corps, right? ...except the Green Lanterns, of course!"

"Yeah, because anybody good must also be weak. But wait - didn't we just use Carol Farris in Man of Steel?"

"Ah, shoot! Well, we could kill off Fatality instead..."

*chuckles* "FINISH HER!!!"

*laughs* "Good one, Justin! But seriously, we've gotta keep her around for John Stewart over in Green Lantern Corps."

"Okay - so Relic will just slaughter the others, then. And destroy their central battery, for good measure."

"And don't forget their entity! That way it's like, Relic is so bad-ass he killed Love itself!"

"Nice! I like that. But what about the villain corps?"

"Sinestro's right out - he's wearing a yellow ring again in Forever Evil."

"Yeah, we gotta keep him around anyway because the Sinestro Corps War was so popular."

"There's always plenty of background characters there that never even had a single line of dialogue..."

"All right - so that's settled. The Red Lanterns?"

"Can't! They've got their own series. Plus, Guy Gardner's their leader right now."

"Hmm. Can we kill everybody but him?"

"Well, the title's Red Lanterns, plural - so..."

"Let's keep the cat! People love the cat."

"Yeah - and Bleez, for the sexual tension with Guy!"

"Naw, Ice is alive again... so we can afford to lose Bleez."

"And Larfleeze (hey - that rhymes!)?"

"...has a series now, too."

"Dang. I know! What if we had Relic kill off some Green Lanterns?"

"Eh, that's been done before. It'd have to be a main character to have any kind of real impact."

"Gardner's out, as we just discussed - can't kill Hal, because he was in the movie..."

"What about Kyle?"

"What about him? He's a White Lantern now, so we'll inexplicably be leaving him alone."

"...right! Because white's not a color, it's a hue."

"Exactly. And, speaking of..."

"John Stewart? The public was already up in arms when Green Lantern wasn't black in the movie!"

"Now-now, Justin - African-American."

"Right. Oh - I know! What about Jediah Caul? Because we already cancelled his series..."

"BRILLIANT!"

DC: Deceased Characters.

How the critics apparently thought Man of Steel should've ended

[SPOILERS!], obviously.

Bear in mind that, by this point in the movie, Zod has already done all of the following:

- Killed Clark's biological father, Jor-El.

- Threatened/almost choked to death Clark's Earth-born mother, Martha "Ma" Kent.

- Shown Clark an apocalyptic vision of the future wherein the entire human race has been reduced to a pile of bones.

- Killed tens of thousands of people in Metropolis with the "world engine"/Kryptonian terraforming machine.

- Personally sworn to kill every single man, woman and child on Earth, one at a time (presumably while Clark watches helplessly), just to make Superman suffer.

With all that said, Zod - at this moment in the story - is literally inches away from killing a young couple and their daughter using his new-found heat vision.

Superman: "Don't do this! Stop - please!"

Zod: "Never."

There is absolutely no other recourse, outside of killing Zod, to save these people's lives... but Clark hesitates. Wouldn't it be just as wrong, if not more so (killing, after all, should be against what Superman "stands" for), for Clark to take Zod's life?

In the end, Zod mows down the three innocent human beings.

Superman: "NOOOOOOO!"

Zod is subsequently incarcerated, and sentenced to live out the rest of his days in solitary (and allegedly escape-proof) confinement. And then, once he again inevitably breaks free from his imprisonment, he makes good on all his previous threats.

...

Look - I can understand being mad at the writers for placing Superman, as a character, in such an untenable predicament... but Clark absolutely did the right thing in this situation.

What other choice did he have?
[/SPOILERS!]

STOP TALKING DURING THE MOVIE!!!

I'm beyond tired of all these stupid frickin' idiots who won't shut up during the movie! They won't be quiet until you're forced to get up from your seat, embarrass yourself by causing a scene, and ultimately contribute to an atmosphere that isn't enjoyable for anyone.

Everybody shouldn't have to suffer just because a certain few people couldn't apparently be bothered to learn basic manners! Imbecilic dolts like that make me disdain humanity in general more than I already do!

Leave "Man of Steel" alone!

Is it better than Superman (1978), or Superman II (the "Richard Donner Cut," at any rate)? Is Henry Cavill better as Superman than Christopher Reeves? Is Michael Shannon a better Zod? Is Man of Steel a better movie than 2012's The Avengers? The answer to all of these questions - perhaps unsurprisingly - is no.

A far more important question, however, is this: Was it, and were they, supposed to be?

What, exactly, was everybody expecting? This was never going to be (at a guess, from all the flack this film is catching) the next Lawrence of Arabia - not when all it ever really needed to be was better than Superman Returns!

You know two words that I would use to describe Man of Steel? Try "resonant," and "relevant." When did everyone become so incapable of just appreciating a movie for its thematic elements and emotional core?

This film has moved me on a personal level in a way that few others ever have. Consequently, I've now seen this movie in theaters a total of four times.

Seriously, people: Quit slagging on Man of Steel! Not only is it a good movie - it's maybe even a great one.

EDIT - I'm calling it now: Man of Steel - the most misunderstood, unfairly maligned movie of recent times.

I might someday write an additional post wherein I'd detail exactly what it is that makes me feel the way I do about this film, in the hopes of offering up another point-of-view on a subject about which others may have been too quick to judge. You know, if there's actually a demand for such a thing.

Will I EVER get noticed?

I was just going through one of the other blogs that I follow ('Follow?' What's that, Kit?) when I ran across the following line:

"It (Magic: The Gathering)'s been around forever. I actually built a deck in 1995..."

Hey - what a coincidence! It was during that same year - my first terrible semester as a college undergraduate - when I...

"...when I was in fourth grade."

...and suddenly, all of the big words that I usually rely upon so heavily failed me completely.

Still, I'd already been pondering such things lately - and as these thoughts now seem to be particularly important: What does my voice bring to the already-overcrowded community of online commentators that could possibly be at all unique, anyway?

And how can I ever hope to achieve any sort of relevancy in comparison to the sheer magnitude of all the other work that's already out there - competing with the dedicated websites which exclusively feature the talents of those aforementioned creative young people?

At any rate, I hope to explore these issues more thoroughly in the weeks to come. Seeing as though I have very little time at present for anything other than my job and my continued education, for the moment I guess I'll just have to label my further ramblings on the matter as merely being works-in-progress.

What I Dislike About...

Non-respondents.

There are actual gods of this particular craft - gods you can attempt to reach out to; gods you can try to contact through this electronic ether.

Here's the thing, though: You'll only be met by empty silence. Much the same as it is with any of their more-ephemeral counterparts.

I used to daydream so fondly about what it'd be like to contact an honest-to-God (see what I did there?) celebrity! Which one would it be? Ah, how I'd waste away the hours - imagining what it would be like to preface my correspondence with, regardless of cliché, the likes of, "You might not believe this - but this is the first fan-letter I've ever written!" And so I finally took the plunge.

What a fat lot of good it did me.

Look, I can't pretend that I'll ever achieve even the merest fraction of the renown that other internet personalities can rightfully claim. Heck, most of my site traffic comes from my having mentioned Magic: The Gathering a few times here and there... and that was almost two years ago!

I am, however, a full-time graduate student - as well as an unpaid intern. And at that job as it is with this, I am strictly a volunteer.

Unlike you, I don't get paid to create new material for the internet. Unlike you, I've never received even one single piece of feedback.

Yet even in that unlikely event I would still like to think of myself as being somehow capable of marshaling the tremendous effort requisite to typing up something like this: "Thank you for taking the time and the effort necessary to write to me, and for sending me this email."

And you don't even have to type in the return address! Or is hitting the 'Reply' button simply beneath you now?

Venting to the void:

It used to be that Facebook was both a legitimate and permissible forum for all of my catharses. If I'd had a bad day, felt under-the-weather or so forth, I'd just pop on over to my account and post about the same in convenient, bite-sized chunks.

And then all of the sundry workplaces and various higher-learning facilities of this world seemingly started policing the internet in its entirety for expressions of honest opinion and pure thought.

So here I am, using an assumed name - shouting my ultimately insignificant concerns into an uncaring electronic wind.

Regarding Aquaman:

Aquaman - or, more specifically, his near career-long status as the go-to whipping boy regarding his 'powers' (and the widely-held belief in the near-total lack thereof) when compared to his fellow superheroes. It has occurred to me that the cancellation of all his prior solo comic book series is most likely actually due to one thing: wasted potential. Aquaman should, by all rights, be the most bad-assed comic book there ever was!

Consider this: In outer space, it's pitch black. It's much the same on the ocean floor - although, for some reason, the ocean backgrounds in the comics are always shown as being blue... Both environments are freezing cold. The empty vacuum of space can make things explode - while all of the pressure at the bottom of the ocean instead makes things implode. And to revisit that aforementioned term, empty - well, asides from the odd cosmic-based character, outer space is largely just that: (empty) space.

It's not like that on the bottom of the ocean, though! There, teaming and unimaginable horrors exist - literally anything that the writers and artists could possibly conceive, because a) no man-made craft can yet navigate the absolute deepest depths of the ocean; and b) any life-forms that scientists bring up from such depths perish due to the immense pressure changes. Most of these creatures have razor-sharp teeth... and each and every one of them hungers to consume you, in only the most violent manner possible!

Proponents of aquatic characters have, in the past, often cited the much bandied-about statistic that seventy-one percent of the Earth's surface is covered by the sea. However, if one were to judge solely on the basis of every previous Aquaman series (and to be sure, Marvel's Namor the Sub-Mariner suffers this same fate as well), absolutely no one would ever guess that! This is because - seemingly without fail - writers always try and awkwardly shoehorn in plots that relate to the surface world.

Quick - name all of the protectors of Gotham City... heck, even Metropolis! Then name the oceans' defenders, at present, in the DC Universe (while also bearing in mind that Garth, formerly Aquaboy, is now deceased - and so is Dolphin for that matter). Yeah... there's something of a disparity there.

In truth, Aquaman should realistically (well, insofar as any fictional account of super-humans could ever be called 'realistic') be almost entirely unconcerned about life above the waves (although an exception can of course be made for issues pertaining to the impact that surface-dweller borne pollution has had upon the Earth's overall environment). Still, perhaps the best format for further Aquaman stories ought to be eleven issues dedicated solely to his underwater adventures... with only one (likely the now-requisite annual company-wide cross-over 'event' story) taking place on dry land.

That, at any rate, is just my two cents about Aquaman.

Remake madness!

So they're thinking of remaking Videodrome. My question is: why? How could it possibly be made relevant to modern audiences when the old cathode ray tubes have largely gone the way of the Betamax cassettes which were also featured in the original film? Of course, this is where the smart asses of the world will pop up and suggest YouTube, or something similar... but it, like most internet content, is already available for viewing to the general public for free! So where does that leave James Woods' Max Renn character - who was, after all, the protagonist of the original film?

And speaking of Woods, the undeniable truth of the matter is that no modern-day cast could ever hope to even approach the perfection on display in the performances of Cronenberg's original! Even the director himself has moved on from his own body-based horror movies onto, regrettably, making much safer (and, sadly, more commercially-viable) crime thrillers instead...

One can only hope that this turns out to be another one of those projects which dies on the vine (and rightfully so), never having seen the light of day... but as long as rumors occasionally surface of planned "re-imaginings" (slaughterings, more likely) of the likes of Suspiria, and Escape From New York? Well then, my friends, we still have much to fear.